


Unwanted Interference

by missthingsplace



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, One Shot, Rating: PG13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 09:54:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1171699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missthingsplace/pseuds/missthingsplace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hub is due a VIP visit</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unwanted Interference

**Title: Unwanted Interference**  
Author: missthingsplace  
Parings/characters: Jack/Ianto. Gwen, Toshiko, Owen  
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters ... unfortunately.  
Summary: The hub is due a VIP visit  
Spoilers: None  
Rating: PG13 

Ianto let himself in the tourist office door, as more often than not there was a pile of mail behind it. He picked it up from the floor and placed it on the counter, hung his coat up on a hook behind the beaded curtain and perched on the stool and started to go through it.

Normally it was mostly just junk mail, but the odd interesting thing sometimes found it's way to them along with the infrequent post from UNIT and the few other people who knew to send their post via the fake tourist office.

He was nearing the bottom of the pile when he spotted the plain white envelope, no stamp, no postmark, no address, just one word written on the front in perfect italic handwriting.

**_'Torchwood'_ **

Hand delivered, it would seem. Ianto picked it up from the pile and turned it over in his hand, a look of shock crossed his face when he realised it had the Royal seal on the back. He sat pondering it for a while, why on earth would they receive a letter from the Royal household.

He stood from the stool and went to press the button that would let him through the secret door that lead through to the hub, but he found himself hesitating. It wasn't addressed to Jack, it was just addressed to Torchwood, he was part of the organization, so in theory he was permitted to open it.

Ianto sat back on the stool and place the edge of the letter opened under the top of the sealing flap, then with a deciding swipe he passed the thin blade through the top of the envelope opening it in one swift move.

He plucked the single sheet of thick embossed paper from it between two fingers and unfolded it, first scanning the senders address at the top of the page in amazement as his eyes dropped to the text of the short but to the point letter. 

'Shit.' Was the only word that managed to go though his head.

He slipped it back into the envelope and hit the button to open the secret door, running through it before it was fully open and headed towards the hub. He shot through the cog door with the same speed and then scanned about for Jack, running up the steps to Jack's office as soon as he spotted him there through the glass walls.

'Ianto?' Jack couldn't quite make out the look on the young man's face.

'Letter Sir.' He panted. 

Jack gave him a curious look as he took the envelope from him and slipped out the sheet of paper, not noticing the seal on the back. As he unfolded it his eyes widened at the senders address embossed in silver at the top of the sheet and looked over at Ianto, who was sat getting his breath back.

'Read it.' Ianto urged.

Jack lowered his eyes back to the piece of paper in his hands.

'Shit!' He exclaimed.

'My thought exactly Sir.'

'Tomorrow, talk about not giving much notice.'

'It'll be fine Sir, I'm sure.'

'But what if ...'

Ianto had got up from his seat and walked over the Jack, he took the sheet of paper from Jack's hand and placed it on his desk, then kissed him tenderly on the mouth, silencing him.

'It will be fine Jack, we will get through this and then we will carry on as usual.'

'Are any of the others here yet?'

'Nope, but they should be soon.'

'Right, go make coffee for everyone and meet me in the conference room.' 

'This could be interesting.'

'You're telling me.' Jack chuckled, a little half heartedly.

When Ianto reached the conference room with the coffees Gwen and Toshiko were already there and the cog door opened signaling Owen's arrival, Jack yelled down to him to go up to where they were. He dumped his coat on his chair by his workstation and headed up.

Flopping into a chair he glanced around at the others. 'What's up?'

Jack picked the letter up from where it was lying on the table before him. 'This.'

'And that is?' Asked Gwen.

'A letter.' Owen smirked.

Gwen shot him a dirty look.

'Play nicely kids, we have a visitor tomorrow.' He said as he flapped the letter in his hand.

'Is that all, someone from UNIT again wanting to be nosy again?' Moaned Owen.

'Not exactly.' Jack paused for a moment. 'It's from the Queen.'

'The Queen? You mean the queen as in her royal highness the queen of England?' Tosh asked, wondering if she had heard him correctly.

'Why the bloody hell would the queen want to come here?' Gwen added.

'She wants to make sure she's getting her moneys worth.' Ianto grinned.

'What the fuck are you on about tea boy?' Owen exclaimed.

'Jack.' Ianto said pointedly.  
Jack held the letter up and read it's contents out loud.

_** Dear Torchwood, ** _

_** As you know Torchwood was founded by Queen Victoria to combat alien threats, until now I was vaguely aware of your existence and never thought to question it. But it has come to my attention that your claims for expenses are increasing and your salaries seem much higher than anyone else I employ. ** _

_** As your funds come direct from the royal household I feel it only right that I should visit and see for myself how this money is spent and what makes you all worthy of such a high salary. I will be visiting tomorrow, at 9am precisely. ** _

_** Regards ** _

_** HRH Queen Elizabeth II ** _

'The queen wants to come here and assess us?' Owen scoffed.

'How the hell will she know what we have to deal with on a week by week basis just coming here for a visit?' Gwen snorted.

'Look, I know this is ridiculous, but we'll just have to go along with it, she does, as she states pay our wages.' Jack told them. 'I'm not looking forward to it either you know.'

'Best we make the place look less like a tip and takeaway establishment and more like a place of work then.' Ianto added.

There was a collective groan from everyone else in the room.

'I'm not your slave, today you can all clear up your own mess, I'm going to clean out Myfanwy's nest and Janet's cell.' 

'Get to it then.' Jack told Gwen, Owen and Tosh.

As they left the room Jack slipped his hand into Ianto's holding him back till they had gone.

'Want some help?' He asked Ianto.

'You, get your hands dirty Sir?' Ianto raised an eyebrow.

'I can think of a better way to get my hands dirty if you want?' Jack said as his free hand cupped Ianto's crotch.

Ianto slapped it away. 'Jack, behave.'

'I know, I know, work to do.' Jack signed disappointedly.

Ianto captured Jack's lips in a deep kiss till Jack's hand clasped his bum, then pulled away.

'You behave and they'll be more of that later.' Ianto told Jack as he pulled his hand away, gathered the empty coffee mugs and slipped from the room grinning to himself.

Jack watched him leave before collecting himself together and setting off for his office, he knew he was as guilty as the rest of them for not clearing away his own mess. And maybe the sooner he did it, maybe the sooner Ianto would keep his promise.

Ianto took the coffee mugs to the kitchen and washed them, before heading down to the cells to take care of Janet's habitat he glanced into the main hub where the others were tidying up their mess. Ianto had to grin when he spotted Owen with a pink fluffy duster, swiping it over his workstation.

Gwen was lugging around a black bin bag and throwing all the empty takeaway containers and empty takeaway coffee cups into it while Tosh gathered screwed up but of paper and empty chocolate wrappers and added them to the bag.

By the time Ianto had cleaned out Janet and Myfanway the hub looked much more like a place of work than the local doss house, Ianto was amazed they had all done such a good job. They way the place had looked he'd begun to wonder if they knew what a duster was for.

Ianto found Jack in his office, sitting behind a spotless desk with a frown on his face as he glanced up at Ianto.

'What if she decides we're not worth it and withdraws the funds? Or wants to make redundancies?'

'We'll feed her to Janet.' Ianto said dryly.

'Seriously Ianto, this could shut us down.'

'Jack, we will be fine, I'm sure of it.'

'I wish I had your confidence.'

Ianto walked around Jack's desk and pulled him from his chair.

'No point worrying about it now, you're coming home with me.'

'I am?'

'Yep, I know just the thing to take your mind off tomorrow.'

'I like the way you think Mr Jones.'

'I know Sir.'

When Ianto woke in the early hours of the next morning feeling cold the bed next to him was empty, sitting up in the gloom of the morning he spotted Jack, butt naked staring out the window at the rain that was bucketing down.

'Come back to bed.' Ianto told him as he pulled the covers up to his shoulders. 'It's cold.'

'Perfect weather for such a day.'

'Stop being so negative and warm me up!'

Jack turned with a grin on his face. 'I love it when you get all bossy.'

'I can tell Sir.' Ianto raised an eyebrow as he glanced at Jack's naked crotch.

When they finally emerged from Ianto's flat it was nearing 8am, Jack was silent all the way to the hub, despite Ianto's best efforts to engage him in conversation.

They took the invisible lift down to the hub, Ianto trying to distract Jack by kissing him as they descended till they came to a stop. Jack didn't try and stop him, but it wasn't working. Jack disengaged himself from Ianto's arms and strode off to his office, no doubt to brood to himself Ianto thought as he headed to make the first coffee of the morning.

By 8.45 the rest of the team had arrived, had their own coffees and Ianto had washed, dried and put the mugs away. Whatever happened at least the queen wouldn't think they lived in a shit hole. At 8.50 Ianto walked through to the tourist office in readiness for the queens arrival, wondering if Jack would get his arse in gear and be there with him before she actually arrived.

'Jack.' He growled over the comms.

'I'm coming.' Jack snarked back, wondering if they could just pretend they weren't there.

Jack finally emerged through the secret door at 8.55, his face was not that of a happy person.

'Why are we allowing this?' Jack asked Ianto.

'Because she's the only person we have to justify ourselves to.'

'I bet some sneaky bloody accountant is behind this.' Jack groaned.

'I promise, it will be fine.' Ianto told him once again.

Jack looked at him, there was something Ianto wasn't telling him, he just knew it. He was just about to ask him when the tourist office door opened and a man in uniform entered.

'I'm looking for a.' He glanced at the piece of paper in his hand. 'Captain Jack Harkness?'

'Please to meet you.' Jack flashed him an uncertain grin.

'Her Majesty sent me to tell you that she won't be able to keep her appointment with you today, and to apologise personally for her. She sends her regrets and says she won't be troubling you again.' 

He handed Jack an envelope, the same as the one previously, said his farewell and left closing the door behind him. Jack didn't miss the edges of Ianto's mouth trying to curl into a smile as he ripped the envelope open.

As Jack read the enclosed letter his frown turned into a grin before he chuckled out loud. 

'This was your doing wasn't it?' He said to Ianto.

'I may have had a small hand in it Sir.'

'You are a bad man Ianto Jones.'

'I merely pointed out that if it wasn't for Torchwood she would be missing several of her Corgi's.'

'But there's no truth is the story whatsoever, is there?' Jack grinned.

'Well, no. But on the other hand, they way I told the story she can't prove it one way or another and the only 'witness' to the 'incident.' who called us died trying to save one of the dogs from the Weevil living in the grounds of Buckingham Palace.'

'There are no Weevils in London Ianto.'

'I know that, you know that, but she doesn't.'

'I don't know if I should thank you or punish you.'

'Oh I think the two could go hand in hand Sir.' Ianto smirked.

The End


End file.
